Stupid Things To Say To Piss Off A Cancer Patient

People brought up with manners, tact and compassion don’t want to say something stupid to hurt & offend a cancer patient. However, if you are self absorbed or just plain tactless & ignorant there are you things you can say to make a cancer patient want to punch you.

  1.  How did you get the cancer? Then explain examples of why they don’t have it, for example “I don’t eat fried foods.” I rarely eat fried foods myself, and considering I have cervical cancer I’ve never consumed a deep fried Twinkie vaginally. At least not sober.
  2.  Tell someone with stage 4 cancer that its terminal & yell at them in the middle of Costco to get another care team that will either tell me I’m going to die or tell me that my cancer that’s spread from my cervix to my ovaries & uterus to my abdomen is not stage 4. You can justify punching someone in the tit if they pull that with you.
  3.  Ask for all of the gnarly details so you can make it all about you to get sympathy. The cancer patient will most likely name their tumor after you. You will most likely grt punched in the tit.
  4.  If you know someone is going through chemo tell them how awesome they look from the weight loss and tell them whatever it is they are doing, keep it up.
  5. Tell them to put their cat down so nobody will need to try to re-home it for you.  By the way, do you know anyone in the market for a slightly used 12.5 year old tortoises-shell kitty who’s fully alert from 2AM to 6AM

Author: DeeDee McCarty

Former comedian, runner, & Zumba addict gets tired of bleeding out on office furniture & cute undies and finally after 5 years gets diagnosed with stage 4 endomedrial cancer. This is my story. After learning how to see the humor in everything I figure that a blog is the best way to educate, inform, and make people snort milk out of their nose.

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