Miss Mis-Diagnosis

The first time I noticed something was wrong was I experienced severe cramping & excessive bleeding where I ruined 3 office chairs & debated using Depends as feminine protection devices.

I mentioned it to my doc thinking it may be endometriosis. She laughed it off & told me it was probably perimenopause. My paps were all fine so I took her word for it.

3 years later and the new normal at the doctors office was her asking if my periods were normal. My response was no, unless everyone at my age experiences this much pain & makes such a mess & could I please get a hysterectomy. She laughed. I wasn’t kidding.

After bleeding all over a cool chair in a vendor’s office & then over the leather seats of our operations manager’s leased Cadillac I wasn’t playing any more.

I went back to the doc and told her the bleeding was out of control & could I please go on depo provera to stop the bleeding but she wanted to put me on estrogen because she loved it because it makes her less bitchy. Did I say that was my problem? I was also shocked when she asked me if my last period was 4 years ago while reviewing my chart. WTAF????? Now I am a little bitchy. So I took one estrogen pill & the cramps were intolerable. I called doc back & I told her what was going on & she told me to take 2. Hell no I am not taking 2. I took 0 & was pissed at what the drug company charged me for shit I wasn’t going to use & wouldn’t get a refund.

2 days later I’m commuting to work. I was a runner, do zumba 3 times a week & hike. That day I barely was able to walk up a few flights of stairs. I was sweating, breathing heavily & could barely stand. I still had to get on a bus that goes past the methadone clinic so I fit in. The funny thing is methadone is my favorite drug for pain management. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? You gotta love Alanis Morrisett.

After a while my wheezing annoyed me as much as the girl sitting next to me so I had her pull the cord so the driver would pull over & I could call 911. Once I was in the hospital I got an ultrasound in exchange for my story thus far. I got to meet an awesome Obgyn that I want to keep as my regular one. They thought I at least had precancerous cells so they scheduled an ablation one month out so lots of pain during that wait. Ablations hurt like a mother…!

From the ablation they found some cancerous cells that were theoretically “not angry” so they scheduled my histoectomy (woot woot) another month out which meant another month of extreme pain.

To curtail the pain I would take late night walks and say hi to the free range bunnies in the neighborhood. Sometimes the free range sketchy people in the neighborhood wanted to start a convo with me.

Author: DeeDee McCarty

Former comedian, runner, & Zumba addict gets tired of bleeding out on office furniture & cute undies and finally after 5 years gets diagnosed with stage 4 endomedrial cancer. This is my story. After learning how to see the humor in everything I figure that a blog is the best way to educate, inform, and make people snort milk out of their nose.

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